Surrender

Merriam Webster defines surrender as:

: to agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., because you know that you will not win or succeed
: to give the control or use of (something) to someone else
: to allow something (such as a habit or desire) to influence or control you

Surrender – Not quite a word I would have used to describe any part of my life or actions in the past.. or up until the last month or so for that matter. Yet this one word is so key to the difference I seek between my today and my tomorrow. My heart longs for more. Everything in me wants to experience the God I believe in my heart exists.. but.. the truth is.. I’m afraid. Afraid of disappointment. Afraid of failure. Afraid of being fake.. and so much more. Deep within my heart I somehow feel it is real.. this life I desire to live, but then in the same breath I doubt. A few weeks ago I began to prepare my heart for the new study we would begin, and I could feel the battle raging full force in my mind and heart. For every dream, for every whisper of more, for every thought of a REAL GOD that truly has plans specifically for me, there is a voice that laughs at me. A voice that tells me a life like that doesn’t exist and isn’t for me, that I’ve gone too far to ever make a difference, and a million other things. The battle rages on in my mind, yet if I stop long enough and look around, I see the lives of others that are serving the God I KNOW lives, and my hope returns. The see-saw battle is tiring. It’s one I choose to stop living. My own heart tugs at the hopes and promises of God and I want to let go.. to move without abandon toward God.. And to know that IF I really believe God, I have to believe everything He says too. As so it begins.. a path to surrender. A journey that I’m not completely sure how to walk out, but I start – one step at a time. I ask God to hold my hand and guide me, to show me what surrender looks like, and to whisper to me “let go baby girl’ every time I am holding on instead of letting go.

What am I actually surrendering you ask?

Fear of failing: it’s not up to me to reach specific outcomes. I am to obey and the results are up to God. Success or failure is measured ONLY by obedience
Fear of being fake: It’s God’s plan to change me from the inside out. Again.. Obedience
Fear of Quitting: There is no starting or stopping; only doing.
Fear of opinions of others: My relationship with God and HIS view of me is eternal. God will give me perspective and wisdom about when to listen to the advice of others.
Fear of losing relationships: Only God can save. My family is His to save and my relationship with God in my responsibility.

Truth is, at the end of the day, surrender is a choice. A choice only I can make.. and one only you can make for yourself as well. Do I surrender or not.. do I jump head first – all in or do I not.. It’s YES or NO.. there’s no in between. Surrender means being willing to lose it all just to find Him. It’s easy to think that if I had nothing, surrender would come easy.. there’d be nothing to lose.. but that’s not the path I’m on. My path is a husband and five boys; a job I go to that has more tough days that easy ones,. My path is making a choice and not looking back. My path is to let God guide me. I want to live the life HE has for me.

So it begins: Anything God – I Surrender – Restless for more – Dreaming – Forever Changed – LIVING FOR HIM

It’s not too late.. He’s waiting.. Let’s go meet with Him.

“I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands” Psalm 119:10 (NIV)

Original Post: 10.08.2014